After turning down our referral ( after TA) I was heart broke, And though we have received another referral and returned home from China with her. My heart always wondered and was broke for the one we turned down. I found myself on my knees praying for this little girl. Don't get me wrong, I know our daughter now is most definitely meant to be our daughter and I love her dearly, but when you let one go, it stays with you. Haunting you, is she OK, is she being carried for. Does she have some one to hold her...My heart wondered this often.
Well I received an email the other day from a family that followed our blog. When they shared their adoption site with me it was our first referral. God is good. Only God knew that I felt guilty,that for me to let go, I needed to know she was taken care of. I am amazed at what God can do.....Not only do I have the daughter I was meant to have but by following God's plan this little girl who I have prayed for night after night is with her forever family. Growing strong and happy. My adoption journey has been more than a journey to unit me with my daughter, but it has grown my spiritual walk with Christ so much. I do believe that all that has accrued was God's way getting these 2 girls to the family that he chose for them. My sweet Khloei with us, and our first referral with her forever family. If you are going through any type of loss over a referral, I know your pain, But God can do things you could never imagine. If you trust him enough to to follow his will.
Our new blog is http://steens2china.blogspot.com/
or our travel blog http://www.myadoptionwebsite.com/khloei/
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Moving Forward....
How do I begin.....Most of you know that we had to turn down our referral. It has been a long and difficult road. After so many years of infertility I had to let go of the precious little girl that grew in my heart. I spent many days, and nights sobbing trying to find what God's path was for us and this little girl. I felt crushed, and guilty. My dream of a daughter seem to crash at my feet, and the guilt of leaving her in China was very overwhelming for me. I prayed for answers and peace....yet God seemed silent to me. I questioned my faith and if God even cared about the pain I felt. My husband stood strong in my battle of faith and direction. My husband assured me that God did in fact have our daughter waiting in China, and that for some reason beyond our own understanding Leanna was not meant to be our daughter. I fought that truth with myself, with God and with my husband. I begged him to just go get Leanna. I was ready to take on what ever her condition was. I sobbed daily. My husband could not see it...He was firm on what he felt God's path for us was. Through the months of pain, I slowly came around to what God has planned for us. No amount of prayer changed my husband in what he felt God had for us. I know that God does not close one door without opening another. So here I am loving Leanna, and trusting God. My husband and I have realized how much this has touched our hearts. How we long to help the ones still in the orphanages. Through Leanna God has planted a seed for missions in China. My husband and I talk a lot of about doing missions in China. We both feel this is something God has called us to do. Leanna will always be my daughter in my heart and in my prayers. We have recently received a new referral. Which was another test of my faith. Her site is http://steens2china.blogspot.com/. We are moving forward, and I would like to thank all who have reached out to support us. My email is steenjks@yahoo.com if anyone has questions or needs to talk. I have been through so much emotionally, and would love to help anyone else who may experience these things.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Update
Last week we sadly announced that we had to turn down our referral. In the middle of all of this our update from Lady bugs in Love came in. We ordered it Sept 1st. The pictures we received did not quite match the update we got from the CCAA. But through more investigation, we found that she does have some medical issues that are severe. We are very sad as she is only 12lbs at 15months old. She was the same weight when she was 7months. This has been gut wrenching. As she will always be our daughter. I will be posting some more of her new photos here soon. As updating her page is very difficult for me. I can barely see through my tears to type.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Our Daughter
Yesterday we received an update on our daughter. It seems that during her cleft lip repair surgery she suffered some trauma to her brain. She is no longer responding to people. She seems to be in a coma like state. She no longer sits, can not move her arms to reach for toys. She does not smile and she is no longer speaking or making any sounds. She does not show expression when held or played with. She was very tiny and under weight to begin with and her update says she has lost muscle tone. I can only imagine how thin and tiny she is now. With this new news and her declining health we have stopped the adoption. We are very sad, and heart broke to share this with everyone. We still consider her our daughter and love her very much. But know we can not take on what she requires, and at this point not sure if she will make it. Please keep our little angel in your prayers. We hope to continue another adoption sometime in the future, but for now we are still trying to gather our hearts around what is happening.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Travel Information
We had our travel meeting with our agency yesterday. We are waiting on our TA, but our agency believes we will travel around Nov 5th. We are very excited. We have requested an update from China. We found out that her lip has been repaired already, we are still waiting for new pics.
Monday, August 10, 2009
LOA TODAY!!!
We just got our call we got our LOA today. So travel will be in the next 4 to 6 weeks... so the end of September begining of October!!!!! We are so excited!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)